Feeling Your Energy

It’s become common to hear someone say,”I don’t like your energy” or “I love your energy” or “the energy is just “off” or even, “the energy is really good in here”. We have become aware that, like breath, energy is part of our invisible makeup. We are a composite not only of bone, muscle, tissue and fluid, but also of energy and oxygen. We can see and feel the first 4 but the last 2, THAT requires consciousness. 

In the last twenty years or so, breathwork, as a wellness modality, has become welcomed, accepted and practiced. More and more, we realize that we can utilize our breath just as we do meditation. This awareness, of the very breath that is essential for life, is linked to the energy that is within us. 

One of the most impactful statements ever uttered to me about energy was when my yoga teacher reminded me that, “energy is never created or destroyed. It just IS.” Einstein said, “It can only be changed from one form to another.” This is the first law of thermodynamics. My yoga teacher shared this with me as I had reduced myself into a puddle of tears, crying for my daughter who had passed away just months before. I held tightly to her words. I needed to know that my girl was still around, that she had not “ended”. I wanted to believe that her shape, the shape of her energy, had taken another form and that in this way I could still feel her presence. And I do. I feel her in the butterflies and birds. I hear her in the music. I see her in prismatic streams of rainbows that continue to pop up in my life almost daily. She is not gone. Her energy, her beautiful, spirit-filled, whimsical and witty energy is all around me. My energy joins hers and gives me a completeness that I cannot put into words. It just is. 

Energy can be pleasant, exuberant, frightening, disturbing, chaotic, erratic, euphoric. This is, in part, due to how we are balancing the male and female energies within ourselves as well as our reaction to our experience, others and our world. It’s high time that we admit that male AND female energies exist within each of us. I have been thinking alot about this lately. 

I have spent a long time being dominant in my female energy; that is, being a caregiver, being compassionate and kind, being a mother and grandmother, loving to dance, being open and vulnerable, exhibiting a softer side of myself. Equally, I have spent a great deal of time letting my male energy dominate. I built things and fixed things, I was aggressive and assertive, I was rough-around-the-edges (my friend, Meredith, likes to label it my “street”). Mistakenly, I often felt that I had to choose between the two: be girly and “flowy” or be boyish and “rough and tumble”. But do I have to choose, or is it that I’m not very good at balancing the two? I am capable of nurturing others while exuding a loving softness AND I am capable of standing my ground and fighting for what is “right”. This is not only MY dilemma. This is the predicament of the “me too” movement. 

Recently, due to all of the brave women that came forth to tell their truths about sexual harassment and worse that they had experienced, men and women became aware of the inequality between the sexes. They began to truly, in my opinion, own their power. To get ourselves to a place where we could stand on firm ground, some women tapped into their male energy and became aggressive in their efforts. Sometimes aggression is needed to get to assertion, so far be it for me to criticize this. What I noticed is that “going into the deep end” can be instrumental in eventually getting to the middle. 

In social media, the arts, entertainment and in work environments as well, I witnessed and exhibited this forcefulness myself. I pushed hard to be heard. Some were not ready for that. Some were afraid of this new way, and some wanted me to tone it down a notch. My experience is not exclusive. This is happening to many women who are working toward the middle ground of assertion. These are women who want to stand in their power AND exude the beauty of the feminine energy simultaneously. The question still remains, “how do I balance the female and male energies within to be able to fully and completely experience myself”?

I’ve been posting some of the qualities of both, female and male energies.

Here’s a short list:

⚦ Male energy: active, external, assertion, dominating, initiating, logical, analytical, protection

♀ Female energy: creative, spontaneous, embracing, flow, grounded, reflecting, communicating

Think about what you want to do with this topic. Contemplate. Do you feel balanced? Do you feel dominated by one energy? Is balance what you’re seeking? Can you blend the two energies?

For me, it is often easier to exude male energy. I am athletic. I am competitive. I am independent. I am a survivor of many traumas. I am an overcomer. Often when I am focusing on my female energy, being overgiving, nurturing, being subtle, it gets misunderstood for weakness or submissiveness. I don’t want that! So, I choose to tap into both simultaneously. 

Here’s an example of what that looks like: saying, “excuse me” instead of “I’m sorry”. My generation has been programmed to be apologetic and small, in some ways. Now, we break free of this. 

We can exude soft female energy while tapping into the strength and steadiness of our male energy. We don’t, as women, have to be one or the other. We can blend the best qualities of both types of energy and revel in the feeling of being whole and complete. 

I see that Lennie is watching me apologize for bumping into someone. Quickly, I say that I’m sorry. No more. Instead, I will say, “excuse me”. I don’t want her to ever squelch her shine. I want to watch her, with her tiara and princess dress while wearing combat boots, walk into her future. 

Just something to think about. :)