Dream Chaser
For “nothing happens unless first we dream”.
-Carl Sandberg
At the baseline, dreams are a series of thoughts, images and sensations occurring in one’s mind during sleep. Dreams most often occur in the REM portion of our sleep time, when our mind is more relaxed. Perhaps our defenses are down and our judgments, thoughts, reactivity and perceptions are subdued. Our unconscious is allowed to come out of the shadows and present itself; that is, sleep allows us to get out of our own way in order to see something more organic and less “managed”. Although science teaches us that we dream for about 2 hours every night (verywellmind.com), often we cannot recall our dreams. And as we get moving through our morning, the dreams seem to slip away.
It becomes our work to recall or create our dreams during the waking hours. According to Oxford Languages, a dream can be defined as a “cherished aspiration, ambition or ideal”. We can allow ourselves the time and space to dream while awake. So often we are caught up in the “dailies” of life: meals, exercise, work, taking care of home and others. We must not forget that we can create, we can manifest, we can reflect on our desires and motivations. We are not any more stuck than we choose to be. Yes, it may take effort and energy to get unstuck but we are worth it! And getting unstuck occurs one small tweak at a time.
Looking back at my recent article, “Loser”, I can allow myself to feel stuck in many ways: unemployed, carless, jobless, worried about the prior accident, lonely here in AZ, missing my community but then I think about my dreams.
My dream was to write a book: to be a legit author. My favorite toys, when I was a young child were maps, globes, telescopes, binoculars, encyclopedias, pens and notebooks. I wanted to write. I wanted to learn everything. I wanted to travel everywhere. I wanted to experience the world! Later, some of my favorite things included Barbies and all related paraphernalia. This reflected my desire for beauty, fitness, fashion and friends. These were my dreams. Take a moment to reflect on your favorite possessions of childhood. What secrets do they hold? I would love to hear!
As dysfunctional families would have it, I realized early on that it was up to me to chase my dreams. I would not get alot of encouragement or support from my family members. There were many issues of addiction and then my Dad became terminally ill, so often I felt that my dreams had to take a backseat to the drama at home.
When I was quite young, I asked my mom if I could join Girl Scouts. She allowed me to, but I would have to do it on my own. She would not be available to participate or even get me to the meetings. I remember announcing that I wanted to go to a Catholic High School. There was no money for this, so it was met with dismissal. I took it upon myself to start selling Avon to earn the tuition. I told my parents that I wanted to go on the Junior camping trip to Canada. Again, they were not able to support this dream. These are just a few examples of what I experienced growing up. When I look back, it makes me sad for Little Colleen who had to forge her way through these disappointments, but it also makes me proud of her, that her spirit would not let her down. It goes without saying that I relate to Lil Kim when she said, “I blame my parents for nothing and forgive them for everything.”. My family couldn’t give me what they weren’t capable of.
As life went on, this behavior became hardwired.
I wouldn’t allow anyone’s lack of support or encouragement to stop me from pursuing my dreams, but it made for a lonely journey and my assertiveness could be perceived as aggressiveness, as I pushed myself to go to places that I wanted or to do the things that I desired. I remember graduating from Wright Community College in Chicago, top of the class with High Honors and a GPA of 4.0! I told no one, except for my 3 daughters. My dream had come true but I was afraid to share it with anyone else. I wanted desperately to protect it from the “rolling eyes” or dismissive remarks that I had experienced as a child.
Now as life would have it, or the universe would dictate, I have had some detours in my life that prevented me from running after my dreams wholeheartedly. Albeit, every detour taught me extremely valuable lessons and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I needed those lessons as they have provided me with so much wisdom. {You’ll learn about many of these detours as time goes on :)} And I have learned to ask others for support.
I have been on a 20+ years journey of transformational growth with a practice in Northbrook and one of my greatest learns from it has been to take the risk to ask for support, to include others in my life and to fail in community instead of isolation. This is tough but makes the successes more joyful and the setbacks more tolerable.
And now here I am in Arizona, loving my time with Lennie and growing a beautiful relationship with my daughter and although some things have fallen apart, I want to believe that I am on the right track to fulfill those dreams from long ago. On some days, I worry too much about money and my future. Sometimes this gets in my way. I must push through these times.
I know that I want to continue to grow as a Yoga teacher and Pilates instructor. I want to invest in this blog and share my life experience with you. I look forward to becoming a Health and Wellness Coach to impact people's lives in a positive and joyful way. I am eager to travel with this new career. I am excited about building more community and thriving. I am orienting back to my most authentic dreams with the best of intentions. And I am eager to stand at a podium in a bookstore and read a paragraph from my book (just as Carrie Bradshaw has done, in Sex and the City. By the way, thank you Jennie P for putting the notion in my head that I AM Carrie).
I am sharing all of this with you because I don’t want to dream in isolation. I am believing in your support. Every time that I read an email or comment, I am encouraged and often moved to tears because, you see, one of my most secret dreams is that people are “in it” with me, cheering me on and believing in my dreams too. This is what I want for YOU.
Psst…have you read Becoming Coco yet? Check it out here.
